TaniaLoG

I had a dream. I wanted to study abroad. On scholarship, if possible.

My mind was set to focus on that dream. I desired and perspired. Then, one day, the dream came true.

I was overjoyed and ignored the call, which grew louder and louder as time passed by. I spent the last 4-5 months ignoring the call, pretending nothing was happening. I was wrong. The call grew louder and louder and louder until I couldn’t bear it anymore.

It is a call for a new "Me". Not the "Me" that did quite well in high school. No one cares about that anymore (actually, probably no one ever did). Not the "Me" that graduated from the self-proclaimed best high school in town. The title ‘best high school in town’ is questionable at best anyway. (And ‘town’, well, how big is it compared to the world?) Not the "Me" that jumped with joy when she was told that she obtained a scholarship. No. No. No. (So what if you got a scholarship? It surely isn’t the whole point of your life, is it? [Surely it isn't!!!] What’s the greater purpose of your very existence, the objective of your efforts?)

It’s a call for someone that have been through all those things, but not just that; it is calling for someone who has new dreams, dreams for her to focus her mind on. Without dreams, she’s just like a walking zombie. Pretending to be well but feeling empty inside. Pretending to be well but doesn’t know where she’s heading to.

It’s a call for someone that have been through all those things, but not just that: it is calling for someone who has set new standards for herself. Not the old high school standards. Screw high school. University life is different. And so should I be: different.

This holiday, I’m going to put my life back into shape. I’m going to create new goals. Set new standards. Focus on new challenges.

I know I’m late. But it’s not too late… yet. If I take action now.

Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!