TaniaLoG

I make mistakes.

I thought spending holiday without doing anything (after spending a 1-month holiday that way) is terribly pointless and therefore should be avoided at all cost.

Then I made another mistake.

I took up too many commitments which entitled me to too many things to do the next holiday. Of course at first I didn’t realize I took up too many, though. It came to my realization too late. Another mistake.

If life’s like a game, or like a computer application, I’d be very happy. When something goes wrong, I just need to close the application, or at the worst case, kill the process.

But it’s nothing like a game or a computer application. I can’t terminate life. When I make mistakes, when I stumble, when I tremble of the pressure that have been put upon me (by my own permission in the past), even when I cry for help from deep within, I can’t terminate life.

What I can do is learn from my mistakes, however painful it is. And that’s what I’m doing.

It’s painful, and at times I want to quit fighting like this. But that’s a very cowardly attitude and I don’t want to be a coward.

I’m learning. To accept my mistakes. To not repeat them. And to never run from reality, however harsh it is.

For now, I’m learning to know the limits of my capabilities to commit.